People-pleasing is a certain state of mind where an individual convinces themselves that pleasing others is much more important than their own happiness.
While this may not sound that bad, ignoring your own needs for others can negatively impact your life – in a major way.
Most people-pleasers know how bad it can be, so how did they end up doing it anyway?
People Pleasing Comes From an Unstable Childhood
The number one reason adults become people pleasers is that their needs weren’t met as a kid. If you are raised in a home without a great parent, you may have begun people-pleasing as a matter of survival.
For example, people-pleasing is common if an individual raised by a parent with mental illness. A child can’t comprehend conditions like bipolar or depression. If the parent regularly took out their emotions on the child, the child became a people pleaser to avoid the parent’s outbursts. This behavior continues into adulthood.
People Pleasing Comes From Trauma
Not all people-pleasing comes from people who had a rough childhood. Rather it comes from people who spent a long-time experiencing trauma that they never recognized or learned to overcome. For example, someone in an abusive relationship might become a people pleaser to avoid their partner’s wrath.
Suppose the relationship continues for an extended period, which these relationships frequently do. In that case, people-pleasing becomes a habit that is tough to shake. This behavior will often continue, even when the abusive relationship eventually – and thankfully – comes to an end.
While sometimes the origins of people-pleasing are dark, that isn’t always the case.
People Pleasing is a Habit
Sometimes people-pleasing is just something you got used to. If you found out early in life that people-pleasing leads to good outcomes (making people happy, words of thanks, etc.), then, of course, you continue the behavior.
Some people get so used to putting others first that they never learn to put themselves first. It can be hard to break past people-pleasing habits even when they try.
People-Pleasing Is Easy
Sometimes people-pleasing is just easier. It’s easier to just give in than stand your ground.
But that is no way to live your life.
Yeah, compromise is a part of life and relationships, but being walked all over isn’t. Just because it’s easier to avoid conflict by acquiescing doesn’t mean it is a good idea.
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