viagraSM

With Guests Byron “Big Naz” Williams & Rabbi Ed Weinsberg

The little blue pill known as Viagra has had as great an effect on the sex life of men as the birth control pill has for women. But has it stifled creativity for men? Author Byron “Big Naz” Williams, a dating authority, and Dr. and Rabbi Ed Weinsberg share their dissimilar views with Dr. Veronica in this week’s Wellness for the Real World.

More than half of males over the age of 40 suffer from some degree of impotence, also known as erectile dysfunction (ED). So the popular drug Viagra, approved in 1998, and later competitors such as Levitra and Cialis, have become the new BFF for some men. Not that a man who suddenly is able to maintain an erection is promised lovemaking skills.

byron williams
Byron “Big Naz” Williams

“I don’t think that a man popping a pill is going to make him a porn star,” said Williams, author of Shady Bizzness, and former bodyguard to rapper Eminem.

Nor does he think some men would need Viagra if women would just do their part. Some cheating men who say their wives do nothing for them sexually have an automatic erection when they are with their mistresses, says Williams, whose latest book isWomanizer, Thee Uncomfortable Truth about Men & Marriage.

“A lot of times women think when they take off their clothes that the penis is just supposed to pop up,” Williams says. “You’ve got to add some water. You’ve got to stir. It’s some other things that go with the recipe.”

Because men are visual, he encourages married and engaged women to wear lingerie and perform a sensual dance for their man.

“You’ve got to do whatever you did in the beginning to get that man to keep that man,” he advises.

Dr. Veronica, back on the dating circuit after her 2009 divorce, says she has no interest in turning up the heat for men her age who have let themselves go. She prefers to go out with younger men, who are less likely to suffer from ED and other physical ailments.

Age is commonly associated with ED but often times it is physical as a result of heart disease, clogged blood vessels, high blood pressure, diabetes, obesity and treatments for prostate cancer or enlarged prostate. Psychological factors relating to depression, anxiety, stress, fatigue and relationship problems due to stress and poor communication can also result in ED.

“A lot of men don’t know that impotency is a pre-sign to a medical condition like diabetes or high blood pressure,” Williams says. “If you want to have a good erection, go to the gym.”
When he works out four times a week, he sees a slew of older men, including an 85-year-old who told Williams that he eats well, including plenty of tomatoes to take care of his prostate, doesn’t take Viagra, drinks a lot of water and has a lot of sex. He boasted to Williams that his younger wife, 59, can’t keep up with him.

“Women think that after the age of 60, 65, that the penis is dead,” Williams says. “The penis has revived itself. Guys are living longer and if they’re living longer they want to have sex longer.”

Weinsberg, the author of the prize winning bestseller Conquer Prostate Cancer: How Medicine, Faith, Love and Sex Can Renew Your Life, concurs and says that from age 50 on up, normal aging indicates that men tend to be just as interested in intimacy and sexual relations as they were previously and that the pattern begun earlier continues well into a man’s 60s, 70s and 80s. Although he says half of older couples don’t engage in sexual intercourse, there is an increasing amount of oral sex among older couples due to ED.

That’s one way to be creative, a word not often associated with men when it comes to sex.
“Why do men lack creativity?” Dr. Veronica asked Williams. “Why don’t you use your head, your feet, your mouth, your ears, your everything? Sex is supposed to be multi modalities. It should be sight, sound, touch, feel, everything.”

Williams says, “You have to treat sex like an LA riot. You’re grabbing a piece of booty. You’re grabbing a breast. You’re tickling a toe. You’ve got to be all over the place. You’ve got to loot every piece of body part that you can and then that one little spot that she didn’t know about it.”
And he says women should realize just how important a penis is to a man.

“A lot of women don’t understand that the male ego is connected to the penis,” Williams tells Dr. Veronica. “You hear women say, ‘He’s thinking with the little head and not the big head.’ And it’s not that he’s thinking. That’s just a part of men. It’s the one thing that no one can have and that no one can control. The government can’t tax it. Friends of the court can’t get money from it. We own that. That is ours. We want to keep that thing healthy. We want to keep a life to it. When a man’s erection dies, a part of him dies. That’s his livelihood.”

But it shouldn’t be that way.

ed weinsberg
Rabbi Ed Weinsberg

“Men need to understand that manhood is more than what’s between your legs,” says Weinsberg, pointing out that in some circles the penis is referred to the as the third leg.
Weinsberg, who has been through prostate cancer, the number one non-skin cancer for men in the U.S. and Europe, says when hear that they have prostate cancer they have two questions:

“Will my sexuality be ruined forever and will I suffer from incontinence?” Weinsberg said. “And both spell failure with the other sex or partner of any gender.”

He uses what he calls a “magic combo” of Viagra combined with a vacuum erection device. Both are designed to pump blood to the penile area, which allows for an erection. However, Weinsberg  pointed out, it doesn’t function enough for penetration even though many doctors say that 98 percent of men with the right kind of extra devices and pills will be fine.

“Unless there’s stimulation from the mind and from one’s partner along with the pill, it’s pretty much a no go for most men,” Weinsberg says.

When a man experiences ED, he says they should not be self-defeating, should realize that his wife still loves him even if he has some form of sexual dysfunction, be aware that while some women experience an increase in sexual appetite after menopause, that’s not the case for the majority and lastly that the couple has to open up and talk about sex.

This, he says, is when creativity comes in. Women should begin their sentences by sweetly saying things like, “I love you so much honey, I need….” rather than, “Why don’t you do this?”

Weinsberg offers this final bit of advice to Dr. Veronica’s listeners.

“I want to encourage your audience to keep stroking, physically and emotionally, cuddling and kissing at the very least.”