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Conscious uncoupling could make breaking up easier to do. You probably heard some journalists snicker when actress Gwyneth Paltrow recently used the term to describe her separation from her husband, Chris Martin.
What you may have missed was a number of prominent psychologists expressed their approval of the conscious uncoupling approach. In fact, the process includes many principles that have been part of marriage and divorce counseling for years.
You can try it for yourself whether you live in Beverly Hills or not. See how to complete a relationship and move ahead without the usual distress.
Letting Go of Blame
1. Accept that relationships change. It’s okay if you meet one partner who you want to spend your entire life with. On the other hand, any relationship can be a success if you treat your partner well and emerge from it as a better person, even if it doesn’t last forever. Focus on the quality of your connections rather than the duration.
2. Enjoy being single. It’s easier to keep loss in perspective when you liberate yourself from any stigma attached to being single. You are capable of having a full life whether you’re on your own or part of a couple.
3. Commit to being civil. Polite thoughts and words reinforce positive emotions. Being respectful towards each other will protect your peace of mind and make compassion flow more easily.
Holding Yourself Accountable
1. Recognize your contributions. Both you and your partner played an active role in the ups and downs of your time together. Ask yourself whether you shouldered your share of the housework or kept forgetting when it was your turn to take out the garbage.
2. Check your baggage. We all bring our past history along with us when we enter into a new relationship. Use your breakup as an opportunity to recognize the patterns that arise time after time. Engage in self-reflection. Do you issue ultimatums or find it difficult to share your feelings? What can you do better the next time?
3. Train in mindfulness. Developing greater awareness of your thoughts and tendencies will help you understand what you’re going through and how to cope. You’ll find that you can embrace your feelings while deciding to take constructive action.
4. Collaborate on parenting. Conscious uncoupling works whether it’s just the two of you or if you have a bigger family. This arrangement will put you in a better position to make arrangements that are in the best interest of your children.
1. Work on your relationship with yourself. Learning to love and support yourself makes you more resilient. You’ll discover true self-esteem and strength.
2. Teach each other. People can part from each other without becoming strangers or enemies. Be grateful for all the lessons you’ve learned. If possible, let your old flame know what you still like about them.
3. Rethink your next relationship. Maybe it’s time for you to adjust your search criteria. Things are bound to get better when you realize that integrity and kindness matter more than looks or social status. Avoid making the same relationship blunders over and over again.
4. Strengthen your communication skills. Proficient communications remove obstacles in your relationship. Work together on developing intimacy and navigating conflicts. Practice being tactful and direct.
5. Boost your confidence. Find gratification in your abilities and achievements. Spend time with family and friends who lift your spirits. Give yourself a pep talk. Acknowledge that you deserve to be loved and respected.
6. Be optimistic. Look forward to the many possibilities that await you. Prepare yourself to take a chance on love again. Understanding how to be a good friend to yourself and your partner will put your romance on a positive path from the beginning.
Transform your relationships by learning to disconnect without anger. You’ll be rewarded with more love and a brighter future.