It is never healthy to constantly seek approval from others. This can hurt your marriage because you are losing touch with how you really feel – you are acting and feeling based on what you think people expect of you.

Consider the following tips below to help you stop this kind of thinking.

1. Understand insecurity and codependence. If you’re continually trying to get approval from your partner, this makes the relationship codependent. You’re stuck depending on your partner to make you feel better each day.  

• Insecurity naturally attracts people who feed it. 
• Your partner may not even realize that he or she is feeding your insecurity. However, little comments and clues throughout the relationship can show this. 
• Your desire for their approval makes you question everything you do. It hurts your ability to make decisions since you have to ask their opinion all the time. It affects your ability to act like an adult since you are essentially in child mode. 

2. Notice your partner’s reaction. Your partner may feel fine about having to give you constant approval and support. However, in many cases, your partner will eventually get tired of your neediness.  

• Relationships that are built on insecurity and codependence usually don’t last.
• Your partner may get tired of having to help you with every decision. They can also feel fatigued from your constant questions and need for approval.

3. Work on reducing your insecurity. You cannot eliminate the desire for approval unless you gain some self-confidence. 

• First, realize that this is hurting you and your partner. 
• Take action to make your insecurity fade. This can involve seeking therapy or medical help. You may also benefit from keeping a journal and writing down your thoughts. 
• Find a way to deal with your insecurity and codependence in a healthy way. You may want to try yoga or meditation to change your mindset. Try different techniques to overcome insecurity to see what works best for you. 

4. Practice self-care. One of the reasons you seek approval from others may be because you don’t love yourself or take care of yourself. 

• Self-care can range from taking a bath with your favorite essential oils to reading a book by a favorite author. Practicing your favorite exercises or doing your beloved hobbies can also help.

5. Avoid expecting applause every day. It’s important to retrain your mind and change your expectations.  

• You may be doing important things, but you can’t expect to receive applause at every turn. 
• Others are busy and don’t always notice your contributions. It’s unwise to demand their attention all the time and beg for their approval. 
• The other side of this involves embracing your mistakes and imperfections. You can’t be perfect, and trying to change yourself into an unrealistic persona isn’t healthy. 

For a healthy relationship, it is important to reduce your desire for constant approval. You want to be able to survive without someone else supporting you or lifting you up every moment. Try these strategies and strengthen your marriage!

Thanks for reading,

~Veronica

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