“The more you become aware of how it is that you think, the more you begin to have control of it, no matter what the circumstance”
Dr. Veronica Anderson, Host, Functional Medicine Specialist and Medical Intuitive interviews Kalliope Barlis about phobia relief and overcoming your fears with neuro-linguistic programming.
Do you want to overcome your fears? As an Expert in Neuro-Linguistic Programming, Kalliope Barlis has helped thousands of people shrink their fears, shed their stress and build their best life ever.
In this episode, Kalliope explains how to overcome the fear of public speaking, relationships, and marriages. Listen to the end to learn how to change your thinking pattern and develop your well being.
Listen to episode 64 on iTunes here or subscribe on your favorite podcast app.
64: Show Notes
Dr. Veronica Anderson’s Links:
Phobia Relief: From Fear to Freedom – Kalliope Barlis
00:54 – Fear of bugs
02:46 – The fear of public speaking
05:07 – How to overcome phobias
07:17 – What is NLP?
09:13 – Fear of relationship & marriage
13:01 – Changing the president
17:28 – Thinking pattern fundamentals
19:18 – Develop your well being
Female VO: Welcome to the Wellness Revolution Podcast, the radio show all about wellness in your mind, body, spirit, personal growth, sex, and relationships. Stay tuned for weekly interviews featuring guests that have achieved physical, mental, and spiritual health in their lives.
If you’d like to have access to our entire back catalog visit drveronica.com for instant access. Here’s your host, Dr. Veronica.
Dr. Veronica: Welcome again to Dr. Veronica’s Wellness Revolution. I appreciate you come back and today we are going to talk about phobias. There is something that we are all really scared of but some things that we are scared of it’s absolutely terrifying and dysfunctional and we can’t do that. So let me tell you about my particular fear, it doesn’t come up a whole lot, bugs, really big bugs. One time we were in Hawaii and there were bugs on the ceiling and all of a sudden I seized up, I was like oh, my god, my sons were laughing at me because I was making a full of myself and I couldn’t do anything. We had to change rooms because mum was crazy that couldn’t do anything and it came over me like that. I don’t even know why, I don’t want to see it again, I don’t care why I do my best to avoid bugs. So I don’t even know what kind it is, it is kind of like those roachy crawly things that bother me. But I like nature and bugs around where I live they don’t bother me but those Hawaii bugs, oh my god.
There are a lot of dysfunctional phobias and when I say dysfunctional I know you can’t help that you have it but you want to figure out how do I get over it. Some people get so afraid of being outside they can’t even leave their house and I have met people like that. I have met people who develop phobias to driving their cars and they have anxiety attacks. Think about how disabling that can be.
So today in phobia relief day is coming up and I wanted to talk to a guest who is going to help people with their phobias. So I have with me Kalliope Barlis and Kalliope is a phobia expert and she actually has a book about phobias, it has been on Amazon, it’s a bestseller and we are going to talk about phobia relief and what we can do about it. So Kalliope welcome to the Wellness Revolution.
Kalliope: Well thank you so much for having me Dr. Veronica it’s so great to be with you.
Dr. Veronica: So first tell me how you started talking about phobias? Is it personal to you?
Kalliope: Well, years ago I had my own fear of public speaking and I learned these wonderful skills that I knew would be a benefit to the people, of great value and so because I believe so much in these skills I decided to get over it, deal with my own fear and give me the opportunity to share what it is that I know so that others can live better lives as well.
Dr. Veronica: Fear of public speaking is one of those very common phobias, I know that you do it now, for me when I get up and speak in front of people I get a little bit scared but I just say, I do that people are in their underwear stuff and I can rationalize and say get over it, I am going to be giving people good information, I know a lot more than the people in the audience know and so therefore not a big deal. Some people they can never get there. So talk about that a little bit. Where do these fears come from in the first place? How do they get so bad?
Kalliope: Too often in the case of public speaking people who fear it so much and from what I understand people fear it that more than maybe to death. They have actually quit jobs and got on to move on to other careers because they couldn’t stand even cope with the fact that they will be talking in front of their colleagues. And so the most bestest thing someone can actually start doing is imagine that the audience is intrigued with what you say because chances are you know what you are talking about when you going out there to do a public talk about it. So if instead of seeing people bored and discouraged and looking not so nice, if instead you see them in your mind’s eye that they are intrigued by what you say that their mouths are open because you are so interesting. And that nervousness you talked about, well, you take that nervousness but then allow it to feed you to talk to the people that you are talking with, with greater passion. Because whatever energy it is, whatever emotion it is you can transfer it into positive energy into your audience. And the more positivity you exude the more intrigued they will be.
Dr. Veronica: So now that sounds really easy when you talk about it but people are saying it’s not that easy. So give us a few tips on the type of stuff that you can teach people to get over phobias.
Kalliope: Too often when people have a great big phobia it’s usually the idea of it that scares more than actually being around what it is that they fear. So I know in your case you said that you saw the bugs and you got scared and you had to move your room. Right, just even thinking about it you get an emotional response, right?
Dr. Veronica: I sure do, this is a while ago now, I feel that it was like it was more than ten years ago now and I still vividly remember it. It’s post-traumatic stress disorder, all I could see is those bugs crawling all over me when the lights went out and I went to sleep although they were just a few on the ceiling.
Kalliope: Sure, and you know, it’s that emotional response that you had while it was happening that makes you remember it the way that you do now, right? Because no memory really locks in unless there is an emotional response to it and that emotional response can either be a good feeling or not so good feeling. So what I do when I work with someone to shrink their fears it’s actually take that big Imax picture of them, however it is they are thinking about it and shrink it down to the size of a dime. And once you shrink it, it changes the impact to the whole body because, I know you are a doctor and you know that thinking doesn’t take place in your toes, it takes place in your brain. And whatever charge the thinking has, it sends that charge throughout the body. And so once I get people to change their structure of their thought it changes how they feel.
Dr. Veronica: And how fast can people get this type of result to be able to change how they feel in that structure?
Kalliope: Well, I have done it in less than eighteen minutes. I am trying to break my own record, hopefully on phobia relief day this coming Monday and it can take less than half an hour for most people if they do the skills on their own and if they see me probably even less.
Dr. Veronica: Ok, so you talk about NLP, Neuro Linguistic Programing, some people may know what it is, some people don’t and you use it when you are helping people with their phobia. So tell us a little bit about NLP.
Kalliope: NLP is the study and use of successful behavior. It’s like at the core of so many coaching systems because we look at how you think which influences how you feel which then influences how you do things. We don’t care really about who what when it all happened, what we care about is how you are thinking about it and once you change the thought we can change the feeling. But just to break it up Neuro is neurology, linguistic has to do with language and programming really has to do with the behaviors that all of us were taught throughout our lifetime, so whether it be in in our families or social structures, our education. And it’s a matter of changing the belief systems that aren’t so useful into ones that are more useful so that you begin to build an even better life for yourself.
Dr. Veronica: So, let me talk about a common phobia and a lot of times people may not think about this is a phobia and I don’t know why, I was listening the radio this morning and somebody was talking about being in a relationship and starting a new relationship and just being really scared to move forward. That’s a common emotion that people have. They don’t want to get into a new relationship or, I remember when I was remarrying and on the way up to my second wedding me and my husband were both, you know, we just started getting crazy acting because of the experience that we had had that were painful in our first marriages.
So let’s talk about that type of phobia. Fear of romantic relationships, fear of marriage, which is a word and an institution but not the person.
Kalliope: And it’s a valid fear because I don’t teach people not to fear at all because the truth is you need to have caution, at times you need to be skeptical about things so that you can test your surroundings, test the people, I mean you wouldn’t want to marry someone who wasn’t the right person. So it’s important to have some sort of filtering system for yourself so that the person will never match exactly what you are thinking, right? Because too often and I find this especially with women, we think like of the prince charming, we want them to be everything. We want them to be a rock, a hero, a supporter in life and really he is only human, right? But, in the same breath it’s also great to find someone who responds in a way to challenges in life that will bring you together and so that when you act together in such a way, when you build characters together because, I mean, let’s face it, a relationship is made of two people and everybody has problems throughout life, that’s life and the very definition of the problem is that it has a solution.
And so when people meet people and especially these days you can meet anyone online and too often their identity is not really who they are. They just tell you what you want to hear and so it’s important to figure out how it is that you can find the truth behind someone, who they really are. And that’s really by asking them the right questions, noticing how they respond to life and see if that’s really what you want. And you know what, if they are not the right person then they have done you a favor. You can move on to someone else, right?
Dr. Veronica: This is true but, you know, what happens a lot of times people are suspicious of everything and everybody and for me the answer to that is well because you are harboring that suspicious energy you are going to get exactly what you expect to get. So a lot of people get a lot of experience after the bad experience in relationships and say I always meet bad guys, I always have problems because they are carrying around that thought processed in their energy.
So isn’t that part of the NLP process and changing your langauaging and your thinking so that you attract different people and experiences in your life?
Kalliope: That’s right and in fact too often I think and I introduced the concept of thinking the past that is behind you and the future ahead of you so that any relationship that may have happened in the past you put that person behind you so that you can open up your future ahead of you and start seeing the type of person, the character that you want in your life. Because the future is always ahead of you, it’s the reason we walk forward, we take each step in front of the other. It’s rare that we actually walk backwards to get to places and when we put things behind us we can start putting the people that weren’t so good behind us and start building in better pictures of who it is that we actually want in our lives, in our future so that we can start walking into those people’s lives and make our lives even better.
Dr. Veronica: So let’s talk about people’s belief systems because we are in a country right now that people got really crazy emotional and scared based on what happened in presidential election and so half of the country in people’s mind was painted as bad an evil. They put horns in the pitch folk on a particular person. So do you call those, is that like a phobia? I mean, people were just crazy and are still acting crazy whereas if you really look around a lot of our life is pretty much the same as it was before. For me life is the same as it was before. Do I have a watchful eye? Yes but there are people who are, it’s their whole everything, they are so fearful about the social climate, the cultural climate now.
So isn’t that a limiting belief and how do you get rid of that given that there is a real situation? There is a real situation in front of you, like my bugs, I can avoid the buts, what’s going on in the culture and society I can’t avoid it, you can’t avoid it, everybody else can. So what do you do about those types of situations?
Kalliope: The truth is that the fact is that our country politically was built on the fact that no one president will be able to take us under because we only have two terms right? So we all to realize that whether you love him or not that it’s going to end at some point and whatever fear it is that people have put into their minds about what may happen which hasn’t happened or that whatever it is that they think inside their minds is so far a thought and really it’s a matter of recognizing that our country was built so that there is change and it happens every four years and sometimes every eight years but either way there will be a change. And not one person can make that much of a difference to send us into the realms of places that we don’t want to be because you always have control over your life.
And, you know, Dr. Veronica I have met so many wealthy people, I have met so many poor people that I have helped and out of all of them it never mattered the amount of money they had or the amount of education, what mattered the most was common sense. And common sense I believe is the greatest asset no matter where you come from and who you are.
Dr. Veronica: So, what if your common sense, you know, for common sense for me is I am scared of those bugs, common sense for my kids was it’s really funny watching mum scared of those little things. So common sense is not necessarily common among different people and my mother used to say common sense is just not so common.
Kalliope: Wise woman.
Dr. Veronica: So let’s talk about how to access in yourself tools to resolve phobias. How can we begin to do that? We are sitting here listening to you, we know you have a book, wait, let’s talk about what you book is called. You are interesting too because you actually have book about golf but Phobia Reliefs From Fear to Freedom and we are going to put the link in our show notes as we always do. Phobia Reliefs From Fear to Freedom, number one international bestselling book. Can the also go to buildingyourbest.com?
Kalliope: Yes, they can pick it up at buildingyourbest.com and phobiareliefday.org. And for your listeners I would love to give them a great discount if they enter the code prd4me on ………….. 0:17:43.2 or just go to my website we will give them free access to the audiobook.
Dr. Veronica: Wow, wait prd4me.
Kalliope: That’s correct.
Dr. Veronica: Alright, prd4me for the code and they can get the audiobook. Great, I love audiobooks because I can be in the shower and right before I go off to sleep or whatever and I don’t have to be turning pages. So thank you so much for that gift. What else can you tell us? I know you have programs that help people resolve their phobia. So how can people access some of those programs?
Kalliope: Right, so if they go to buildingyourbest.com they can sign up for one of the seminars where you actually learn the skills, the phobia relief skills. But in addition to, we take people through interaction exercises where you learn the however that you think and then how it is that you think about something not so good and something great so that you can start to pick something more aware of how you think, so that you have more control over yourself.
Dr. Veronica: So are there some thinking patterns that are more prevalent in people that have phobias?
Kalliope: There certainly are, in fact the common denominator is, so I bet that when you saw those bugs they were these massive like Imax things coming at you and coming in closer. And I am sure that bugs in Hawaii are a little bigger than the ones that are here and because they are so big once we shrink them and blink in black and white like you would have switched up and down, off and on you can actually do the same with your thought process.
And then I guide them through reversing the memory so that when they go to the most traumatic time that they have the memory when they reverse it and see all the movements go backwards, all the sounds rewind, all the feelings rewind, they lose their charge, it’s like something magical happens inside their brain so that once I have done that I build in some laughter about it so that whenever I take away something I am always putting something back in its place. So that the next time they see that bug they can start laughing about it. That is provided if it’s safe for them to laugh about it because the truth is if someone was around a poisonous snake or spider I want them to get out of the way to keep themselves safe. So people learn how to have a better response so that they can live their lives genuinely and in the best way possible.
Dr. Veronica: So what is the one thing you like to say that will help people in developing their well-being. The one thing that you would like to tell us.
Kalliope: To have the belief that there is hope for great change in your life because the more you become aware of how it is that you think the more you begin to have control over it no matter what the circumstance.
Dr. Veronica: So, say that again, say that again for me.
Kalliope: I did that off the cuff.
Dr. Veronica: One thing you might say to help them develop their well-being. Be aware of how you think
Kalliope: That’s right, so each morning before you wake up, before you get out of bed just simply close your eyes in a waking state and imagine your day going better so that anything that it is that you do you know that you will be able to take care of it. Because everyone has challenges, everyone has problems and it’s how we deal with it that makes the difference in life. Let’s say for instance before you get out of bet you think about ……………. 0:19:23.7 person at work or the boss who scares you and there is this great picture inside your mind and you shrink them down into this bid, how can someone that big scare you, not so much. So it’s these little tricks that you can do inside you mind that will make you feel better throughout the day.
Dr. Veronica: That person who annoys you, annoys you because you allow them to annoy you. That’s how I see it, your response to them. So you are the one who decided that they were annoying, you allow that feeling to come up in you. So that’s a difference in how you think and your perception. The person may not actually be annoying, you may be the annoying person.
Kalliope: Well, that too, we don’t like to believe that, right? But the truth is that, ok, so some people say I can’t help myself, right? I can’t help the way I feel around this person. But now that you may even realize that, I can guarantee it, it’s a great picture of this person and once you shrink them down they lose their power.
Dr. Veronica: Yes, interesting. So forty words, where can people find you again?
Kalliope: phobiareliefday.org or buildingyourbest.com to sign up for one of our seminars and like I said I would love to have your listeners, your viewers, all about phobia relief, they can sign up virtually, which means they don’t have to be in New York City at the gallery where it is taking place. So they can sign up virtually and still get access to the audiobook.
Dr. Veronica: wonderful. So Kalliope Barlis buildingyourbest.com, phobiareliefday.org, we will make sure we have it in our show link so people can, if they are in the New York area go but if not they can attend it online. Thank you so much for being on the Wellness Revolution.
Kalliope: I can’t thank you enough, I have listened to some of your podcasts and I have to say you are doing wonderful work, you are a powerful woman. Thank you so much
Female VO: Thank you for listening to the Wellness Revolution Podcast. If you want to hear more on how to bring wellness into your life visit drveronica.com. See you all next week. Take care.
Dr. Veronica Anderson is an MD, Functional Medicine practitioner, Homeopath. and Medical Intuitive. As a national speaker and designer of the Functional Fix and Rejuvenation Journey programs, she helps people who feel like their doctors have failed them. She advocates science-based natural, holistic, and complementary treatments to address the root cause of disease. Dr. Veronica is a highly-sought guest on national television and syndicated radio and hosts her own radio show, Wellness for the REAL World, on FOX Sports 920 AM “the Jersey” on Mondays at 7:00 pm ET.