Photo by Isi Parente on Unsplash

In codependent relationships, one person is generally the “rescuer” and the other is the “rescued”:

• Rescuer: Finds their self-worth from taking care of their partner. They love to feel needed and feel drained when they feel like they do not matter.
• Rescued: Finds their self-worth from the attention they receive from their partner. If the rescued does not feel loved, they seek attention elsewhere.

Both the rescuer and the rescued abandon themselves and are “codependent” on each other for their self-worth. 

Instead of experiencing real intimacy in their relationship, they are either rescuing or being rescued. 

Are you in a codependent relationship?

Consider these signs that you may be in a codependent relationship:

1. You believe it is your responsibility to please everyone or keep everyone happy.
2. Cautious so as not to annoy or offend your partner
3. Difficulty telling your partner “no”
4. Prioritize your partner over important events like work or family wedding
5. You put others’ needs before your own.
6. You worry about your partner leaving you.
7. Being alone makes you feel anxious.
8. There are things you would like to change about your partner.
9. You are tuned into your partner’s feelings, but don’t know how you feel.
10. In arguments, you blame your partner for the way you feel.

Do you relate to any of those ways codependency can show up in a relationship?

Healing from codependency will require you to tune in to what you need, take responsibility for the way you feel, and accept your partner for the way they are.

Here’s what you can do to change your codependent relationship to an intimate relationship:

One of the most important steps to take when you realize you are in a codependent relationship is to strengthen the relationship you have with yourself.

1. Build self-esteem. Codependency stems from low self-esteem. Build your confidence so that you no longer depend on your partner or the relationship for happiness.

• Start exercising.
• Pick up new hobbies.
• Repeat positive affirmations daily.

2. Journal. If you are in a codependent relationship, you are probably unaware of your own needs or even how to support your own well-being. Journaling will help you keep track of the way you feel. Regularly include these prompts in your journaling:

• What is important to you?
• What can you do to support your well-being today? 
• What do you need? How can you give yourself what you need?

3. Focus on what you can control. You can’t control other people’s words, feelings, or actions. Instead of worrying about those things you can’t control, learn to accept others as they are.

• Focus your energy on things you can control, like your words, actions and behavior.
  
• Learn not to take things personally.
  
• Ask yourself why triggering events make you feel a certain way.

4. Practice saying no. You might struggle with saying no because you fear “no” will hurt someone’s feelings or harm the way they think about you. Before you say yes to something, ask yourself: Am I doing this because I would love to, or am I doing this because of fear?

1. Accept it is not your job to fix someone else’s issues. You might get a part of your self-worth from rescuing others and fixing their issues. If that’s the case, remind yourself that it is not your job to rescue others.
   
2. Take responsibility for your happiness. Do small things to make yourself happy each day. Instead of finding happiness from the approval of your partner, practice making yourself happy.
   
3. Accept your partner as they are. You cannot control whether or not your partner changes. Instead of hoping your partner will change, accept your partner for who they are.

Shifting from a codependent relationship to an intimate relationship will be challenging. Prioritizing yourself over your partner might feel uncomfortable at first.

But growing out of your codependent relationship will help you experience a truly intimate relationship that empowers you to grow and thrive together.

Thanks for reading,
~Veronica

 

P.S. Want to hear me teach on a specific topic or have a question you’d like answered? Simply respond to this email with your suggestions! I’m all ears!

PLUS: Whenever you’re ready… here are 4 ways I can help you get  what you want in your career and relationships

1. Read the Dr.Veronica.com blog. I post different strategies and tips to help you achieve success every day in your health, money, relationships, life purpose and mindset
2. Have your Human Design done.  The framework for how you can approach your career and relationships to more easily get what you want is laid out in your unique spiritual DNA. Learn through my free video lessons what action steps you can immediately take to begin getting better results in your job and when interacting with people, including romantic partners, family, friends and work colleagues. Click here to get started.
3. Join our Ultimate Guide to Attracting Your Soulmate Masterclass and be a Case Study
I’m putting together a relationship case study group  this month… stay tuned for details. If you’d like to work with me and  finally discover how to find the right person even if it seems like you keep picking the wrong one,  just reply to this message and put “Soulmate” in the subject line.
4. Work with me One-On-One.
I’ve helped many of my private clients “stop getting in their own way,” so they could create the relationship and career that they want—without struggle, without grueling hard work, and without waiting years and years for it to happen. Would you like to know how to do this for yourself? Hit reply and drop the word “PRIVATE” in the subject line… tell me a little about you and what you’d like to work on together, and I’ll get you all the details!
5. Follow us on Twitter for interesting snippets.