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It took a new sex survey released this month to encourage Americans to talk about sex, still a taboo subject in many schools and homes. Dr. Veronica turns sexpert with relationship coach/author Byron Williams, who reveals women aren’t the only ones faking orgasms, and authors Dr. Joni Frater and Esther Lastique, who share their insights on female sexuality.

BYRON “BIG NAZ” WILLIAMS is the best-selling author of Shady Bizness: Life as Eminem’s Bodyguard in a World of Paper Gangsters and Womanizer: The Uncomfortable Truth about Men and Marriage, and is also a producer, relationship coach and former bodyguard for rapper Eminem. He has been featured in over 500 interviews on TV, radio and in magazines worldwide.

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When Meg Ryan faked an orgasm sitting at a restaurant table across from Billy Crystal in a most memorable scene from “When Harry Met Sally,” the actress showed how easy it is to fool someone into thinking they’re experiencing true pleasure. As the new survey shows, 85 percent of men believe their female partners climaxed in their most recent sex act, but only 65 percent of women actually did so. That was just one of the findings in the extensive National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior (NSSHB), conducted by researchers from the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University’s School of Health, Physical Education and Recreation and one of the most comprehensive studies on these topics in almost two decades.  It includes the sexual experiences and condom-use behaviors of 5,865 adolescents and adults ages 14 to 94.  The initial findings from the survey, presented in nine separate research articles, were published on Oct. 1 in a special issue of The Journal of Sexual Medicine.

Dr. Veronica offers her opinion on why such a high number of women feel the need to fake it.

“A lot of women don’t feel like they have good sex in their primary loving relationship because they feel like they are unable to tell their partners what they really want,” she says. “People talk about communication but… men have such softie, broken egos that if you tell them, ‘You’re not doing it right,’ they get pissed at you and it ruins the moment. Therefore you get tired of trying and you just let the man do their do and then you act like you’re having an orgasm to end it and then you move on with your life. A lot of women have given up that they’re going to have good sex, especially when they’re in a monogamous relationship because men are not willing to listen.”

Williams, author of Womanizer: The Uncomfortable Truth about Men and Marriage and former bodyguard to rapper Eminem, says a woman has no one to blame but herself if she doesn’t climax.

“You have to be able to talk to your man/your spouse, about sex but the time to do it is not in the bedroom,” Williams says. “This is one of the biggest things that women complain to be me about — if you want to fix a problem sexually don’t talk about it in the bedroom, talk about it at dinner or when you’re having a drink.  Don’t bring it up as an issue of, ‘You’re not doing this right.’ Bring it up as, ‘What do you like during sex? Okay, this is what you like. This is what I like. Why don’t you like? Okay no. This is what I don’t like.’ Once you resolve that problem hopefully that guy listens. Usually once he finds out what he’s doing wrong, he will stop doing it. He will correct it. A lot of times women think guys can read their minds and that’s not going to fix it.”

He also blames vibrators, which have become more out in the open since the Sex and the City quartet visited an adult sex toy boutique and prim-and-proper Charlotte developed a rabbit habit after purchasing the popular “Rabbit” vibrator. Last week on ABC’s Better with You, a prime time comedy, the subject of a three-speed Rabbit purchased from The Pleasure Chest was mentioned. If vibrators, now called BOB (battery operated boyfriend), have become a part of prime time network television, one can only imagine how many households they are in around the country. And that’s a problem, Williams says.

“These women got these toys and they expect for a man to perform on the level of a new $200 vibrator with seven speeds,” he says. “I’m sorry. A man has two speeds. Fast and faster.  Anything beyond faster you’re going to end up in a matrix somewhere… The only thing a man can do is just do the best he can.”

Not that there isn’t any place for BOB; Williams recommends limits its use to 33 percent of the time. “I always say this to women: A man has emotions. A man can love you. He can hold you. Until they make a vibrator with a pair of arms, you’re going to always need a man to do something in your life.”

Women faking it is nothing new but men doing the same has only been in the news more lately.

“Men fake orgasms too,” Williams reveals. “Women say, ‘How is that possible? We see physical evidence.’ But if a man is wearing a condom (and) he’s in a woman and they’re making love and he’s not getting that vibe, she’s turning him off, a dude will fake an orgasm to get out of that and to go get into something else. I’ve done it. I know guys who have done it.

“Women will fake an orgasm for the sake of a relationship and men will do vice versa. People just need to talk.”

And both genders need to practice good hygiene. A woman’s gray pubic hair and natural smells can turn off a man just like a female can be repulsed by an unclean penis, especially if uncircumcised penis. Williams suggests women apply a man’s favorite flavor to her pubic area and to remove hair while men shouldn’t apply cologne on their genitals.

DR. JONI FRATER & ESTHER LASTIQUE came from two different worlds to write their book Love Her Right: The Married Man’s Guide to Lesbian Secrets for Great Sex! As a dentist, Dr. Joni’s practice focused on helping patients conquer extreme fear of visiting “The Dentist.” Esther Lastique has spent her life as an educator, fighting for women’s rights and gay rights. While in college, she was chosen as one of Glamour magazine’s Top Ten College Women for her commitment to activism. Esther owned Passions Gallery, an eclectic art collection that specialized in the beauty of the human body for 14 years in Provincetown, MA, which is how she and Joni met.

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Dr. Frater, a former dentist, and Lastique, authors of Love Her Right: The Married Man’s Guide to Lesbian Secrets for Great Sex!, recommend females get to know their own bodies intimately.

“Take yourself on a date,” they say. “Learn to masturbate. Learn to know what feels good, when it feels good and how it feels good so that you can then communicate it to your partner in a non-sexual situation first.”

Like Williams, they also recommend chatting outside of the bedroom about works and doesn’t, what each partner wants to try.

“The more intimate you are, and the better satisfied people, the better your relationship is going to be and the less people are going to stray outside the boundaries and go cheat because they’re not having their needs met,” they say.

Their research shows that oral sex is the best way for women to achieve orgasm, especially if they’re not familiar with their own bodies. Step-by-step instructions are given in their book.

“We tell you where to touch, how to touch, how to have conversation, how to use your penis, what part of the vagina is the most sensitive, where to get to the G spot, how everybody can have mutual pleasure and we also talk about the different techniques that have nothing to do with intercourse because we come from the perspective of a lesbian couple. For us we try to reinterpret the definition of what is a sexual encounter, especially living in the age of AIDS and the age of massive issues of STD issues that we have, especially in this country.”

The sex survey showed only 20 percent of the people 50 and older use condoms compared to 80% of 14- to 18-year-olds, who have the benefit of having grown up constantly hearing the words “safe sex” as opposed to older people who still think of condoms as only a form of contraception. But with AIDS, HIV, Chlamydia, human papillomavirus (HPV) and syphilis part of our everyday vocabulary and STDs on the rise in senior populations, condoms are essential for all ages for oral sex and intercourse. Barrier protection on women takes it a step further. Seventy-five percent of all cervical cancers are a result of an STD. HPV increases the risk of cancer in men and is on the rise in the senior population. The virus is spreading faster than the HIV with six million new cases of genital HPV every year and 74 percent of them are 15-24 year olds, Dr. Frater says.

“My philosophy as an ex-dentist is I wouldn’t stick my hands in someone’s mouth without a rubber glove on,” Dr. Frater says. “If you think I’m going to have sex without latex between me and the next person, it’s just not going to happen. You have to assume that everybody’s got something.”

Frater and Lastique teach a sex education boot camp and say safe sex needs to be remarketed to it ties in with pleasure. Some people don’t use condoms because it interrupts the flow of the moment.

“Safer sex techniques can be sexy and fun,” Lastique says. “Yes, sex is hot and wet and messy and glorious that way but at the same time we can find ways to make sure that the sex acts that you’re participating in really are a way to make sure that you’re staying safe and preventing the spread of diseases and pregnancy.”

Frater offers this tip for men: “When you go to put the condom on, hold the tip of the condom, put some lube in it on the inside, then when you roll down the condom, put some more lube on the outside, even if they’re already lubricated condoms. The guy will get infinitely more pleasure during the act and so will the woman.”

Try various condoms until you can find one that fits, feels good and your partner likes. Water-based lubricants are preferred for latex condoms unless sex is in the show, in which case go with silicone. Avoid things like Baby Oil, massage oil and Vaseline.

Frater and Lastique stress the importance of parents talking to their children about sex and raging hormones. They say experts are predicting that 74 percent of today’s young adults will have a STD in their lifetime. Just saying no doesn’t work.

“It encourages them to have unprepared sex,” Lastique says. “Twenty-six percent of teenagers who take a vow of abstinence are pregnant within one year. Our comment to that is telling kids to say no to sex is about as realistic as telling them to believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny once they’re 18 or 19 years old… We believe if you want to encourage your children to play safe, you have to open up those lines of communication.”